April 10, 2012

Stillness Is Not One Of My Strengths

When I first begin to look for my first apartment, one that I would need in September 2006 I started looking in January 2006. Every time I spoke to a landlord they told me I was pretty much insane. If I wanted an apartment in a university town starting in September ask them in May, maybe June.

I have done the same thing every time I have needed a new place to live. As soon as I know I will need it, even if it is six months down the line I start looking, and Landlords tell me to stop bothering them. I have come to two inescapable conclusions;

I am terrible at waiting.

And I hate loose ends.

There I said it.

I am and have been for some time enduring both of these things. I am as I have stated before searching for my next ministry placement. And the process is slow. Very slow.

My days are remarkably similar. My daughter wakes up around 7:00, my son wakes up somewhere between 7 and 8. I we go downstairs to play and I check my e-mail in case something interesting come in while I slept.We have breakfast, I clean up the house some, then I start checking secular job boards, I put my daughter down for a nap, and I call some of the companies I have applied at.

By the time 10:30 rolls around I have pretty much done everything I can to find a job to help pay the bills while I wait on God's next call on my life.

And that is just about the point a very unsettling feeling comes over me. A feeling I described the other day as, 'like being stuck in traffic when you are in a rush'.

The truth is I am REALLY terrible at waiting, and I REALLY hate loose ends.

I feel like if I stop moving, that God may no longer see me. Sort of like a T-Rex. Which is crazy.

It is crazy.

Right now as I struggle with stillness and the unknown I am trying to remind myself that there are times where my only task it is faithfully wait on God. My question for you is, how do you wait? What do you do to help you wait on God? How to you joyfully stop and trust in the future that God holds hidden in his hand?

In This Analogy God Is The T-Rex....This Might Be Hersey