I am trying to sort out what it really means to be ordained. In a basic sense it means I have completed my training in seminary, I have earned the seal of approval from a variety of counsels, boards and people, and I have a church that endorses me in ministry. But what does it really mean?
When I wake up on October 18th will I have any new fresh insights on the bible, or theology? Will I gain a renewed sense of calling? Will my vision for the youth group, or young adults become crystallized? Will I discover a new set of spiritual gifts? Will the respect and authority given to me increase? I suspect the answer to all of these questions are no. In almost every way I can think of I will be no different on October 18 than I was on October 17th.
Does this mean that I think ordination has no value? Again I find myself answering no. I really do feel there is a lot of value in this act. Because being a pastor, being ordained is more than having completed seminary and knowing the right things to say the councils and boards that examined me.
I think it has a lot to do with that age old question, can a person be a leader if no one is following them? I can have all the training and qualities of a leader; but if no one is following me than what am I? If I didn't have the people, the church, come and say we feel you are called by God to do this ministry all I really am is a guy with lots of options about what churches ought to be, that could kick most of your asses at bible trivia.
I am not sure if I have this whole thing figured out. Actually I am pretty sure I don't. There are days when I am so sure I am wrong for this role I find myself in, and than there are days where I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Am I ready to be Rev Christopher D Drew, no more or less than I was to be 'Dad', 'Husband' or 'Pastor' but each thing felt right, and this feels (among other things) right too.
I'll let you know if I developed any cool 'Reverend' powers on the 18th.
Thanks for this Christopher --- I missed it when it was first published. Many of these same thoughts were going through my mind and I perhaps even reflected on a few of them from the pulpit following Convention and the Examining Council vote, but mostly in my mind and heart leading up to my ordination service in late September.
ReplyDeleteOne of the neat things that occurs in the affirmation process around this "special" step in our journey of commitment and service is to see the wide variety of persons who come together both from your local faith community and from every area of our lives past and present --- to remind us of how God has led us (and deigned to use us)at all times and in all places if we were committed and available to Him. Seems to me that this is a great lesson and reassuring truth, that we need to be reminded of especially at points such as this!
Thanks again for your apropo thoughts and the reflective time involved in a blog such as this!
Blessings,
David
It was a really interesting experience. In a lot of ways I am still processing it.
ReplyDeleteThe difficult thing is I just am not the emotional processor others are. So this is a very cognitive process for me.
I find myself having to describe emotional responses that may not be totally accurate.